Half Assing Life

Today I came to the realization that I am living my life half ass! I mean for real! Some may call it being lazy, some may think it's "giving up", but it really is just the fact that I stopped giving a fuck! (Sorry for the f-bomb if you dislike swearing, but I feel it needs it).

So this realization is sort of a process I started last weekend. My house was and is a disaster. I wanted to organize the hell out of everything, but it turned into a shopping/errand weekend and I ended up making more of a mess. Anyways, I felt like my house was a reflection of how my life is going. Messy, but manageable... I wanted to change that. But it didn't stop with my house...

All aspects of my life are messy and unorganized and you can tell by looking at them:
School - I always do the bare minimum of the work/studying and my grades reflect that
My weight - Just look at me... My weight reflects the mess of it all!
Work - I am burnt out and have stopped caring.

I don't know where to begin in caring enough to start an action plan to change...

Randall and i have started eating low carb again and I feel better, but the process seems so daunting. I have over 100lbs to goal. My grade in A & P II is terrible and I have to really buckle down to get it up where I need/want it. But how?

This weekend I am free and have zero plans, and I am so looking forward to sleeping in and being lazy at home cleaning. But starting Monday, I will work 19 days straight between actual work and clinicals at the hospital. 7am starts for 19 days!!! I am really going to need to get more sleep.

One of these days I am going to explode... I feel pulled in every direction and I can't handle it any longer. In an ideal world, I would quit my job and focus on school and my weight loss, but I don't have the luxury to do so. I have been trying to find other jobs where I could work less hours, but I can't find anything that is even close to the salary I make now and that makes it even harder to walk away from. Even though I know I should!

So anyway, I guess my blog name will be truer than I thought... I need to recreate my life and enjoy it again. Stop thinking about what I want and do what I need. I need to declutter and organize all aspects to make things easier and less complicated!