Frustration Lives Here

These last 3 weeks have been crazy!  I am honestly losing my mind.  I have cried, screamed, stomped my feet and lost sleep... Sometimes all in the same day!  I am honestly to the point where I would love to just get in my car and drive to the first city I love where no one knows me and I have no responsibilities. 

I have a had a really hard time dealing with stress ever since planning the wedding.  And then since planning the reception it has only gotten worse.  Now with not having a day off since Easter, I am a complete basket case.  My concentration is poor, I wake up in the morning feeling like I have slept for 15 min., I can't remember where I put things and I can't keep track of what day it is.

I have 2 weeks left of school this semester and I am not sure that my stress will go away after that.  I don't feel as if school is even the issue.  No surprise here, that the weight loss plan that I was following for 3 weeks is slowly going back to junk and I can't get myself to snap out of it.  I feel like shit and I already look like shit, so who cares. 

I feel as though I will never be happy again.  The last 5 months should have been the most happy ones of my life and they may have been close to the worst.  I am so angry with myself for gaining all this weight back over the last 5 years and I don't understand why it won't go away faster!  Am I going to be stuck in this fat suit forever? 

I also feel as though I have to choose between school and having a baby.  If I can't handle school and work right now without the responsibility of being a mother, how can I ever handle it?  I will be in school until May of 2016, which will put me at 35.  Not exactly prime child bearing years.  But do I even want kids?  I don't know.

What is missing in my life that is making me so unhappy?  I am cutting back on my hours at work starting June 5th, so we'll see if that helps.  I feel bad for Randall having to deal with my mood swings and inability to stay calm during almost any conversation.  He is a saint and I am the crazy lady that is one tantrum away from running away...