Oh my god! I have been having the hardest time lately. Life has been so stressful and I can't take it anymore. I need something to change... FAST!
My number 1 stress is my job. Long story short, I am leaving in May (at the earliest) and my replacement has been training with me since the last week of October. I am now even more bored than before which causes even more immobility chained behind my desk. The replacement isn't catching on as quickly as most of us hoped, and it is frustrating and almost laughable at times. He really is a nice guy, but has ZERO gumption and self motivation. I mean, doesn't make a move unless I tell him to! I have been unhappy here for a LONG time, but just in the last month it has become almost unbearable. If I wasn't planning a wedding reception and going to be a FT student later this year, I would just quit. That is what I would like more than anything in the world... To be free of this place. I feel unappreciated, taken for granted, disliked by almost everyone here. Did you know I have gained over 100lbs since taking this position?? Isn't that NUTS?! I have been WAY more moody than normal (and I am very moody by nature already). I cry at the drop of a hat. Seriously, I cried (at work, while hiding in the warehouse) talking to a lady from OMC today about scheduling a DRs appointment to get blood work done! Who does that?! I feel crazy and out of control and guess how I "medicate" myself... FOOD!
Since being married in November, I have gained more weight... So far only 10 lbs, but it might as well be 50! I refuse to step on the scale, but I am currently wearing pants that are so tight it hurts. My stomach hangs over the top and so much that you can't even see the top of the zipper. But they are the only dress pants I can even button. How embarrassing to have to wear a hoodie to work to cover up the FAT body you have underneath! Buy more clothes right?! With what money? I cannot seem to catch up since November. Every paycheck seems to be stretched smaller and smaller. (Just like my pants!)
I have been bloated for what seems like a month straight, have heartburn everyday and let's not even discuss gas! I know I know, time to low carb, right?! That has been the plan for over a year now, why can't I stick to it?
I feel buried in stress, worry and self pity. I don't feel like life is much fun anymore. I really enjoy going to school and I am VERY hopeful for the future and what is in front of me... I just don't think I will ever see it. It all seems so daunting and most of my fears are wrapped up in not having enough $ while in school. But is that worth my happiness now? I wasn't brought up to walk out on your responsibilities and working at Northern has been a good experience overall, it's just that I have outgrown my position and it BORES me! I need to be moving and talking to people-- daily! Not chained to a desk staring at a computer screen. Which makes me feel tired and sluggish once I get home, so working out seems like a absurd idea.
I can almost see my spirit being sucked from my body, I don't enjoy my friends and family as much anymore. It all feels like drama and no one can relate to me. Randall tries to help, but how much can he do? He feels bad that I am constantly stressed and crying about my life. I feel bad, because we have only been married two months, life should be perfect right now... HA! Well maybe not perfect but at least enjoyable. When I don't feel confident and happy it's hard to pretend I am, which is hard for romance!
I know only I can make the decision on what is best for me. But I feel like all the decisions are too big and change so many things. I am scared to change jobs and make less money, but I also want to be happy and healthy.
Any thoughts? Advice? Inspiration?
